I hated my job, then I got laid off
I woke up at 7AM. I have to on WFO days, if I want to beat the traffic.
Woke up. Checked Slack. Was automatically logged out of Slack. And I knew.
Shit. Shit shit shit shit. Opened email. "Action required by 7PM today"
SHIIIT. Woke my partner up.
"I got laid off"
"..."
"I got laid off"
** hugs me **
"What's the severance?"
"2 months"
My dad's next immunotherapy is tomorrow. I check the health insurance policy.
I still have it for a few weeks.
This is too much adrenaline for 7AM.
I hated my job. I was doing entry level shit for a LOT of money. Golden handcuffs and all.
We were all expecting layoffs. Every new idea/initiative thrown around was suffixed with "If I'm still here by then of course, hahahahaha!" Just yesterday I filled out this form the the CMO floated around for "Big ideas to impact pipeline." It was a good idea too. Oh well.
The good thing was: I'd started looking for jobs already, thanks to the layoff panic. I had a few leads.
The question was not: Would I get a job? I knew I would.
The question was: Would I get a job I like? One I find challenging and fulfilling? One where my coworkers are kind and supportive? One that pays me as much as my last job did?
I still don't know.
I have an interview in a few days. This is the most promising role of all so far.I've applied to at least 5 jobs that I think are a high match. Super personalized resumes. DMs to hiring managers and recruiters and founders.
Heard back from 2, finding more people to pitch/connect with from the rest.There's absolutely no stability/job security right now.
"When are you having kids?"
"You should buy a house."
"Between the two of you, you can easily pay off the EMI."
It was funny. Very funny.
Look, it's not like I can't survive. I don't have kids (and we plan on keeping the DINK life), the only "risk" factor, so to speak, is my dad's cancer treatment. And THANK GOD the expensive part is over. The rest we can afford comfortably.
My partner has a job. My sister has a job. I have savings. My parents have savings too. I have people I can rely on. But I am unable to find meaning in all of this of late. By "all of this" I mean my work life in particular.
Am I depressed? I don't think so. But I'm certainly disillusioned. I used to be the most naive corporate person ever. I believed in "Work hard, create measurable outcomes/results for the business, and nothing can stop you"
Things did indeed stop me. Despite creating tangible outcomes. So, now I know life's not that straightforward. And that's okay, because I'm an optimistic person now. I used to not be.
Yes, I still spiral at times, but I land on my feet 99%+ of the times, and all by myself too (yay therapy!). I know if I keep trying, keep pushing, and keep getting better at my craft, I'll be fine. I'll find a job I like, work with people I like, get paid what I want.
The messy middle sucks, tho. But, also, isn't the journey supposed to be the reward? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I can find ways to make this more enjoyable for myself.
I'll post about that in the coming days/weeks.